Below are the 4 most recent journal entries.
Done okay the past few days...~1100 calories on Wednesday, ~500 yesterday, but b/p (once) on both days. Down a lb from yesterday though. I wrote out a calorie and exercise plan up til Sunday, then Sunday I'll write the next 5 days.
Monday I'm meeting with a guy that works in the copyright dept. at the library about a possible job position!! *crosses fingers* I need to go to advising as well.
So far I've had about 197 calories today and I have no plans to binge/purge. There isn't anything here enticing me, really. Derrick is at work until 8:30, Bobbob has to go to the hospital tonight because at his dr's appt this morning the nurse said his heart isn't good.
I have to find my ACCT HW manager or buy a new one for $25. Now that I got my refunds from school, I might buy some clip in extensions or something. My hair is SO thin and fragile and just awful. I was thinking of going to get it cut, but I do like the thought of it long and thick...because that's rare for me. It's impossible for me to have thick hair.
I'm going to do pilates and try to find that accounting thing, shower, clean up the house a bit and do some homework probably before I pick up Derrick. Oooh we got Wall Street from Netflix! Can't wait to watch it.
boys are fucking retarded and i hate them (minus d)
like srsly, fuck russ. I sent pics of my abs and me and shit to him like Tues or Wed, and he was acting like they were so great and then wanted to add me on fbook and sent me a msg on LJ, but now like wont talk to me and ignores me. He added me to fbook but ignored my comment, ignored 2 ims I sent last night, and then apparently signed off soon after. It's such bullshit and caused me to waste SO much time this week, and now Stevie's here and it's sunday and ive barely studied for my mgmt exam monday and havent @ ALL for acct on wed or bothered to start my acct HW. UGH
So I fucking hate guys except Derrick who has been good to me lately and I just take advantage of it or havent felt very lovey for some reason. I've wanted to fuck a lot though. Maybe it's this birth control. IDK but usually I'm more sweet and he's been all over me and really romantic lately. Though I get clingy and want him to sleep with me @ the same time and lay with me on the couch which just causes me to end up wasting time (kinda like how I am now? yeah).
So, I just wanted to update to remind myself to never put studying off again because i'm 1)too busy bingeing and being fat and purging and eating all this food mom buys or 2)waiting on a guy or wasting time on a guy when I know school comes 1st always or 3)jsut because i have another assignment due first. I shouldve studied evenly. ANYWAYS wasting time, gonna do more notes and try to find online flash cards and quizzes for book. 4)because i'm busy playing with stevie. He should be here next week again and I'll make sure to stay on top of shit, plus he's here all Monday and til Tues night I think, so I can play with him then too- after I've studied and done ACCT.
as soon as i wake up, get online, stretch, get LOTS of coffee and start typing in ALL notes for 4,5,6,9 (almost done w/ 4), do flash cards, online quizzes, memorize pre and post test q's and answers, go over charts in book!!)
Oh yeah- last couple days h
I've been purging everything I eat for about...the past month and a half. Before that, I just purged like when Derrick and I went out to eat and I stuffed my fat face. But yeah, it's been a slower weight-loss process than just eating like 50 cals and working out everyday, but at least I look NORMAL by eating food in front of my friends and family. It kinda pisses me off since it's already June and I feel fat, but I'm at the lowest weight I've been in the past 2 years. It seems like when I was last at this weight, I was so much smaller, less flab, idgi. We're supposed to have really bad thunderstorms tonight and have a tornado watch til 7pm, FUCK YEAH. Even though I gotta take/pick up D from work. I am trying to take at least a 2 day break from purging...a wisdom tooth is really pushing through and hurts like hell, plus my throat (tonsil area) is swollen as fuck. I'd just purge because I don't care, but I don't have health insurance until July, so I can't do anything about my god damn wisdom tooth. I need to go buy some orajel because this shit is ridiculous.
No eating today. Had an atkins breakfast bar or wtfever about 45 min ago and that is all I want for today. I'm tired of feeling fatigued and looking fat & gross. Working out + tanning + errands today too. And god KNOWS I hate doing errands when I look/feel fat.